MENTAL HYPERTENSION INTRODUCTION, IN WHICH I OUTLINE MY MIND

MENTAL HYPERTENSION INTRODUCTION, IN WHICH I OUTLINE MY MIND

You can imagine what it takes to deceive and forgive and accept and still terrorise all at once. You can’t? Sorry, I sometimes don’t realise who I’m talking to (not myself that’s for sure). In the little breaths you take when you think you’ve done something wrong or more importantly will be found out, those times when it is you to blame but you got away with it because some other meek human felt so guilty that they accepted blame, that smile you keep forming on your face amidst the knowledge that inside yourself you know the truth and how the hell are they still treating you like such a good person (simply because you led them to believe this and to change that is much harder than them changing their beliefs/perceptions?). You can always rely on people’s innate wants (stop it you maniac!). What am I talking about? Many things; abortion, manipulation, coercion,  deceit, bad types of truth, ummm, love? Yes, love, the many types of love, one where you are just smiling and petting and the one where you know this is the best thing possible and the one where you just don’t want to talk to them at all (but love them still, in essence). The times when you think “what am I doing?” and then, conversely, the times where (ludicrously simultaneously) you know this is terrible but ‘what the fuck am I supposed to do?’. Continue living the dual (duel? try quadruple at least) existence where all is hated and yet accepted! The elements of life that fall together but are so transient so as to make the ‘liver’ believe either he is omnipotent or lucky or a poor bastard riding the waves of (fortune?) fortune/chance or at the very least able to brainwash himself into believing that every change in life is ‘for the best’ (and simultaneously disabled as Voltaire would parody) so as to keep breathing, cooking for pleasure and generally seeking absolution within the frustratingly disciplined constraints of a life supposedly to be lived in the artistic (well, licentiously liberated) world of literature.

THE THINGS YOU DO WITH THIS ‘MIND’ AND THE OUTCOMES, IN CONTEXT

Well, so, here’s what you do, ummm, okay so you’re talking to someone, let’s call them ‘your boss’. So you know (and agree) that they’re an idiot. What? How are they an idiot? By their very ‘position’ in the flow of reality they are by definition more successful than you. So just by their status we are conflicted with several things (1) that you can’t understand why they have this position (2) that they don’t actually deserve this position (3) you resent them for having this position (4) how is it possible that every employee thinks their boss is stupid and the fact that you have observed that most employees themselves are stupid are aspects you yourself conflict with, AND having added such simplistic almost ceremonial acquiescence with said fellow imbeciles (5) knowing you are not a (said) imbecile so your view of boss/employee relationship is somewhat different to the ‘dull masses’ of which you never conceded to be a part of and yet (6) that the whole awareness of aforementioned politics excludes you (does it?) from getting too far involved with both the mundane AND exhalation of achieving ‘boss’ status.

That’s a lot to start with, shall we (together) unpack it? Why not. You can agree that some of it will be fun (conceding that you yourself have at least identified with at least ONE of those points, no matter your station). What’s the goal (that will be important to know, right?): understanding that what we judge is worthwhile…basically that you will be validated in thinking what you think (as a part of shared agreement, which is what makes both fact and reality evolve). Good enough for me, you?

Clearly (1), (2) and (3) are easily refuted by invoking jealousy, classism ( i.e. borne opportunity), consternation and basic drive to succeed (i.e. that money et al are important, let alone wanting to achieve some kind of material ownership over humans[1]). These ‘conditions’ or base level appropriations are not to be blamed upon the self per se, they are symptoms, that is, indicators that are to be healed. Ignoring that points (1) through (3) are the most profligate amongst the clichéd working class[2]. You (or anyone I mean by that) can’t refute that the disciplined drive exerted by those who succeed are in those ways (alone) deserved. Are we just the fickle humans struggling to hold together their lives with kids and dreams? And, in this way, are we deserved to foster this hate/admiration/angst towards those who (perhaps ) are more (fiscally at least) successful than us, and, is that enough to deserve our collective (immature and symbolistic[3]) scorn)? By my personal asides I get that you can see I have a secret agenda in implanting the ideal that we are based essentially of the same mater; that in no way should we be miniscule (subservient) or desirous (read: jealous) of those who appear successful and should more correctly (without inside knowledge of insider trading, nepotism, jurisprudence or otherwise) be appreciated (yes, sure why not) as (at least) able. That is not to say we (the aware) are not correct in our ascertain that these highly sought after affluencies[4] aren’t undeserved, au contraire, it is in the essence of our misunderstanding that causes the greatest conundrum vis a vis “prove to me you are deserving and I will be happy to continue ‘working’ (as it were) for you”. The bare-faced open-toed knowledge of contribution, reason, purpose and value are central to the existence of all those who find themselves (by their own diagnosis mind you) enslaved or (in the modern vernacular) employed. I want to leave those points alone now because I am being both ultra-accepting and acutely aware that I sound both tolerant and yet are judgementally altruistic of what I seem to be calling “the working class” or even (by my tone) “dullards who need help”, besides, points (4) through (6) are intrinsically more fun.

What we’re talking about now is essentially GOALS (not an acronym, as in Getting Our Allotted Liberties Secured or Greatest Of All Literary Solipsists, but we can make up so many of these to suit, mainly because its fun (and we can show off our vocabulary and hyper-awareness, another somewhat classist exclusion….don’t get me started). Ok so we resent being mere employees. We’re better than that. Even though we (at the moment) are employees, and the degree to which we feel so placed is the essence of our scorn slash impedance into kowtowing to an employer/boss thing we feel so distant from. Now, counter that with the fact that good modern bosses hire people specifically for these precepts, such as; you are better than me at what you do; that I respect you for what you do AND (worse of all) I like who you are and need/value that personality/aspect/honesty in my corporation. These simple confusion betray the underlying reality that we (bosses and employees alike) feel, namely that there is something more important we are neglecting to achieve. The roles we play belie a truth we carry with us, something we can bring to the world, to our place of work, and the frustrations we feel at seeing humans less than us try and fit in, leech on, take the ride…undeserved we all feel. This is the thing that we hate, not the (false) discrepancy between the ‘bosses’ and ’employees’ (which is a whole mentality to be addressed later or you can read about it yourself if you care, even though I’ll give you the credit of already being aware of this obvious inequality), more so a realisation that ‘we’ are not ‘them’ insofar as those people outside dressing badly and smoking cigarettes (who we sometimes join, sure) are not you, or even like you. As a classist employee, you indentify with the upper-class (in the internal sense of an organisation, not as defined by the wider society, a crucial difference), speak to them, dress as such (maybe not) but in general behave as though you are not part of that proletariat (through shame, incongruence, desire, something else?). This is the essence of separatism, and its more intrinsic than role-specific, some inbuilt, learned, self actuating (myth) role that you yourself subscribe to. An importance that accedes every request, supplants every request of you as a task engineer (as it were). Is this divulging from the answer to the question: why am I better OR why do I allow myself to think that I am better?

OK, THAT WILL DO. BUT WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE CAN BE DIFFERENT?

First and foremost, honesty[5]. If you are able enough to see through the malignant hyperbole than you will (hopefully) have seen the heart and simultaneous hope I endeavour to implant in both you and those I interact with day to day. I admit that sure I am usually (casually) deceitful in ways that both benefit me and ‘them’, I mean, I’m not trying to destroy anyone and yes it’s true I want smiles on your faces (in the newest of bare senses imagine them as idiots smiling while I rob them blind but I am not paid so exuberantly to even come close to being this evil, luckily). What about this: what is the point of this diatribe? Fun for me? Confessional? No. Don’t you want to know the intrinsic and self-abasing honesty spewing from this writer? Imagine!

THE NEW APPLICATION OF QUOTE UNQUOTE HONESTY

It’s not even barely tangible. That’s the tragedy. We’re hearing and still learning about these aspects, given this ultra-post-modern-hyper-self-awareness thing we live in (read: Seinfeld, Simpsons). To go on talking and pricking your nose seems a travesty or at least knowing these human normalities are recorded and judged…we know we are not friends, we know someone takes too long to do some action (in society as a while) and we’ve become so removed from being together that it take s a supremely humanistic person (who comes from ‘out there’) to remind us that we can be pure and simple and, well, true. We find them stupid and ugly and (lovingly) pure. Sure we’re infuriated but our very essence of infuriation tells us more about what we are missing and less about how easy we are able to judge based on internal fears we have within our self that (in a way) inform us on how to act in the varying degrees of quasi-classist scenarios we find ourselves in regularity (e.g. “how do you get a bar tab here?”).

LET’S TALK ABOUT WOMEN, JUST FOR A SECOND

Holy god, that look in their eye! When you know they are both self aware and lusciously delectable[6].

SORRY, WHERE WERE WE? OH YEAH, I WAS TELLING THE TRUTH AND IT BECAME SOMEWHAT PERVERTED AND CUMBERSOME. MORE MIND IN APPLICATION THIS TIME.

You are pretending, okay, and speaking, sure, about things, and its things you mean at the time because you are either paid or expected to contribute in such a way as to fashion yourself into a part of the whole. Gross, we know (we all know), or worse some don’t know[7], and their pure beautiful eyes of longing and hope transcend all the garbage and honesty and altruism[8] you seek and so for two reasons; now, you hate (not hate, despise) them. Because they are basic, because they are undeveloped and worst of all because they are basic and undeveloped and so are excluded from your torment! What a glorious statute for humanity! Don’t bother, just do this and this and then, a-ha yes this and it will happen and you will have two cars to fill with your babies[9]. To diverge from the path is a sin my readers, and not something I want to do today, but I want to be in keeping with the title of this pamphlet, or paragraph…the other reason is that they are better than you. Stronger. Truer. (read, for idiots: will overpower you)[10].

[2] Their vocabulary alone precludes them from engaging in the debate, which further distances them from gaining any foothold in this realm of ‘servant and ruler’ ideology that they hate so much. Ironic? Not really. It is almost a disgustingly simple and self perpetuating falsehood we need to circumvent with some clever teaching (as in the base reason for teaching i.e. learning for those less informed than you).

[3] Made up word

[4] Another made up word, hopefully you get the meaning (lets not go in to linguistics right now…there’s a whole realm of didactics and “proper use” rhetoric not needed here…language conveys meaning, can we leave it at that for now?)

[5] I know. After all that how am I to be believed?

[6] This is not an aside and, even worse, barely a footnote. Falling in love is surely one of the best experiences possible, and no one alive will refute that (except mystics of all disciplines, but then even they will espouse the benefits of the variants of love they have achieved (semantically speaking)). There are two vistas a woman can relay; the first is what we all see and the other contains all sorts of interpretations from lust to love, from control to abandonment and sometimes that beautiful child-like need for care which is both a trick and such a necessity of (role playing?) the male/female dichotomy. I’ve made a mistake…I love women so much that I fall in love in seconds (in practice, days), their ideologies, seeking eyes, and more human/animalistic actuality of their faces when they have an orgasm. Perhaps the best ‘truth’ possible (at least for me now as a fresh-faced newly thirty male) is that love is so ultra-modern and created by forced non-evolutionary aspects that it will die or thrive strangely.

[7] There’s no such thing as communal coherence, I gave you my thoughts and you stole them and made them into something that will then destroy me and I look into your eyes and there is nothing there so I sit down at my desk and just think for a while…in the end think I must get out of here because that is the human ride thing we have and when we don’t leave there is something that dies inside….if we had it then it dies. How many of these little pieces do we have? We want to give them to our children…we want to give these things to our wives and brothers and sisters. Sometimes we just let them go for our pay packet because we think that putting things onto our house or putting presents under the tree can replace these indignities. This is not new or fresh or revolutionary…the saddest thing is that when these concepts were revolutionary still nothing happened. I just want feel sad for the fact that it will keep going and these strong home-creating men have to be crushed and then hold their heads up because they thought they were men. Or punch each other in the face because they hate themselves. Or beat up a foreigner because he took their job (no he didn’t, they know, he cleans their toilet, but by god I’m going to beat him up tonight). This modern displacement, the loss of manhood, of security, creates these monsters, who, will, beat, me, soon, because, I, am, a, faggot.

[8] Garbage and honesty and altruism: if the bible was to tell you anything, it would be about pestilence, pain and persecution. The three Ps (forget marketing, they made their own three Ps and will get the justice in the same fashion. Isn’t THAT how the world works, hm? In pathetic violent ironies?). Garbage is the creation of useless waste, Honesty is the travesty of controlling morons, Altruism is collecting money for the sake of humanity. We cannot go on. If we knew what we meant by the soul we could be saved.

[9] I feel sick…

[10] Biblical via a vie the good old meek…since when did idiotic morons with a penchant for really bad food and liquor encompass “the meek”? I think we can all breathe a sigh of relief in knowing that these animals will die a lonely regretful death. If only lime pits still existed, us poorer families could save money burying these indiscriminates’ and their offspring. Urgh*.
*of course I hope you get my ultra-Edwardian disdain here, as in, killing as a means to an end. If you can see into my heart you will surely get that (a) I don’t want them dead and that (b) I will still agree that having them quote unquote not here would also be good. Enough on the killing of the lower class…I’m dangerously close to not being admitted into southern Italy.

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