A Useless Day Before Lunch
STUPID 11:14am
Just because you come across a house with door slung wide open doesn’t mean you have to stick your head inside, see that no one is there and grab the wallet and car keys which are stupid enough to be hanging off a key chain bearing the emblem of the car you are about to get into and turn the key in the ignition to hear the engine start and you even rev it a few times before remembering Christ you are out the front of the house but pull away casually anyway, looking back a few times to a dead street or just that kid in the front yard kicking a ball or doll. It’s when things like this happen you get that feeling deep inside like shit something is going to happen to me and then quickly why would it? None of that karma stuff exists but then again that old feeling of this isn’t going to be karma its going to be you can’t just steal someone’s stuff and just walk/drive around spending the money in the wallet which is only thirty dollars on beer and a few bags of peanuts. Back in the car, still petrol in the thing not going anywhere really so of course you end up at a house you know and take in the beer and nuts and just sit in that house for a while drinking beer from the fridge and smoking their cigarettes and eating peanuts and laughing at the TV or watching sport until an hour or so goes by. Ah fuck it I end up saying and take the last six pack out of the fridge and say see ya later and get back in the car because what else right…is it even reported stolen yet? Probably. Better get this thing somewhere where I can walk home from.
KILLER 10:24am
Fucker got his shit car out the front like the dumb fuck he is. Ok so he’s got a whole bunch of shit about to hit him and his junkie girlfriend or whatever the fuck she is and yep in like 10 minutes oh fuck it three or as soon as this cigarette is done. Ok so ok go up there, kick the door in and shoot the fucks, no problem. Ah fuck this cigarette I’m gong up there. Got some toys on the grass, trucks and balls, they got a son or what? Letters all over the front step, they don’t care about shit these two losers. Anyway shut the fuck up.
DEALER 10:04am
Yeah good okay so got three grand’s worth of shit in the boot to get rid of, like shit more than half of it in like three hours. Christ I’m gonna get fucked over this I tell you. Straight away its like why the hell did he let me take all those lines, fucker trying to mess with me yeah right but fuck it I can do it. Go see Caz and Sarah and then Clive at the Oyster and um like Dave and then like oh fuck who’ll be awake, um Phil…yeah ok sure. Another cigarette in my mouth what, the other one fucking smoking on the dashboard ha yeah right that’s right toss it out the window, smooth, smooth. No one on the highway, nice and that sun, nice, that sun is nice like like everything’s cool, right, yeah…smoke comes out nice, ha, music isn’t even on! And she lives, is it two or three after the service station, no that doesn’t look right, oh yeah fuck that ugly ass yellow brick house on the corner, who the fuck lives there? Yeah I think that every time why stop now? Oh god what a dump, her kids toys out all over the yard, all it needs is a dead or dying dog and like, three dead lawnmowers and it’d be perfect. Ha. How the fuck she keeps people coming to buy gear off her I don’t know. Christ in front of that poor kid. Where’d she get that kid? Who gives a fuck? Better get this shit inside, hate having it all just in there, like a beating heart right?
JUNKIE 09:59am
What the fuck I called him like an hour ago and he said twenty minutes mother fucker. Mother fucker better have some cigarettes. SHUT UP!!! Stupid kid, wah wah wah, Christ eat a bug you little shit what the fuck do you want? In his castle, in his whole bed to himself like what the fuck?! Yeah right ok so I’m microwaving the milk left in your bottle that you didn’t want before but now you do…happy now. Bing! Ok yeah sure…fuck now its too hot…ok so yeah running it under the cold tap for your majesty…and you you still don’t shut up. Ok here you go, suck on that and shut up so yeah all good. Christ where is he? Ok so cool do your last line and then that will be that and he’ll come and bang. Mmmmm yeah yeah, ha fucking talking to myself. That kid better just keep quiet Christ or my heads going to just pop off or I’m going to put him in some…fuck where can I put him? Shit little bastards just going to have to stay in here, no matter what right? Urgh god that is hell. Hello? Oh yeah hi Rick. Today? Yeah sure I will, come by in like an hour or whatever yeah? Ok cool, see ya. Fucking junkie, got a sixth sense for knowing when I’m getting the shit that arsehole. Well this pricks gonna be paying through his nose this time. Fucking ringing me daily – BUY MORE THAN A GRAM DICKHEAD. Yeah, yeah I’ll tell him that. What does he do, beg his mummy for money every morning and then come around to piss me off. Fuck that, buy an eight ball and fuck off ’till Friday. Yeah. Oh thank christ here he is now.
BUYER 11:29am
Weird she’s got her door open with that kid and all that gear in there. Maybe its like a thing like, cops or some shit is going down. Pffft, yeah right…too many movies Rick! Seriously, no way any cop’ll think this is a dealer’s house. Looks like a messed up family home, sure, but to think this chick deals coke out of here is crazy…fucking toy trucks and shit. They should get a cat or something. Hello!? Sarah! You home? Whoops probably shouldn’t yell out…Heeee-eey? Anyone home? The kid is bawling its head off, again, god how annoying would that be? Yo Sarah! Ok this is weird, where the fuck is she? Fuck it I’m going inside. So what do I just sit here on the lounge or what? Weird, why the hell would she read a fishing magazine? Who’s is this? Fuck that’s a huge swordfish, Christ imagine catching that. That would be cool. Ha what stupid fish would fall for those lures! Yeah right like real fish are all fluoro with like ten hooks coming off them. So if fish are so blind why even bother fashioning lures into fish shapes…may as well be a lump of plastic covered in hooks. Ah whatever, how stupid. Hey Sarah you home?! Annoying, she said an hour. I’m like ten minutes late, like she knows what time it is, ha! I better check on the kid I guess poor bastard. Wait what the fuck is that, some dude’s legs? What the fuck is that about? Ummmmm, ok…Sarah! Hee-eeey you home?! Want me to come back?! Seriously what the fuck’s up with that dude. Oh Christ oh fuck what the fuck shit Jesus…..mother fucking HELL!
POLICE 11:56am
23 Harland Road, two dead, both shot multiple times to torso and head, cocaine found on crime scene, door broken in, no signs of struggle, single small child left in bedroom undisturbed, called in by Rick Tindale, local resident. Ummm ok so what the fuck happened huh? Yeah well…looks like some kinda drug hit to me Harry. Drug hit? What the fuck is this TV? Looks like a couple of idiots got killed that’s what it looks like. Fuck this hit business. Well look at this shit, no one’s touched all that coke, I mean, there’s at least twenty or thirty grams there. Big deal. Some fucker just tagged along, shot them two, took the money and fucked off. This was just a little deal that some idiot wanted the money for. We’ll find them. And what are we looking for. Well, probably someone that this Rick knows, right? Yeah right well, we may as well start there. Plus…where the fuck are the cars? So no one here drives right? Someone’s out there driving one of these people’s cars, ok, so, get on that ok?
